This is a photo of the living area in our new place as it was advertised. It’s the Spanish fashion not to waste anything as valuable as floor space or wall space, or even the internal volumetric space, such is their love of head-high chandeliers.

Just. Wow … is probably the best way to describe the annual Feria de Jerez. An area the size of 10,000 table-tennis tables (I’m not sure how big that is in football fields) …

Every region has its own food vocabulary (language, even) and it’s not difficult to look like a complete tit when you try to order food at any but the most touristy of bars. Here’s how it works in Jerez.

There’s not much that’s as stressful as trying to make an electronic bank transfer of €15,000 on your phone while beside and opposite you in a tiny boardroom five Spaniards are having a yelling match (i.e. a normal conversation) in both ears at once.

We’re walking down Long Street in the centre of Jerez on our way to inspect a house for sale and we notice a young woman struggling to get a bike through the doorway to an apartment complex.

Jerez has its own colour palette. Someone tried to paint it once. Ran out of yellow. In San Sebastian, Jess tinkered with watercolours and came up with some amazing stuff but this place is something else.

Yesterday I was at home threatening the cat and Jess asked me if we were out of butifarra. I said that I don't think so, but if you get caught short there are some tissues in the cupboard.

Under the ancient, gargantuan fig tree in the plaza 100 yards from our front door a festive crowd is going off to Zambomba. Zambomba is Christmas flamenco for the masses.

Having eaten out daily since we arrived here eight weeks ago I can report that the hospitality operators in Jerez – even the ones running touristy joints – go out of their way to provide exemplary service and are among the friendliest folk in the country.

"You'll struggle down south – their accent is really difficult to understand." This from a San Sebastian local a few months ago when we told him about our impending move to Jerez, at the opposite end of the country.

If you've ever seen flamenco you'll know that it's the dancing-and-singing equivalent of punching a baboon in the face and then attempting to make love to it.

You don't get much sleep the night before you take a cat who's prone to bouts of stress-induced diarrhoea on a plane. Pets here are allowed to travel in the cabin with you.