Dining out? Watch out for tricks
One bad apple can spoil the metaphor, so they say.
Having eaten out daily since we arrived here eight weeks ago I can report that the hospitality operators in Jerez – even the ones running touristy joints – go out of their way to provide exemplary service and are among the friendliest folk in the country. That said, looking the way we do (not Spanish) and speaking Spanish like we do (at about the level of a three-year-old who's swallowed a puffer fish) we are routinely ID'd as tourists the moment we sit down at a bar.
Out comes the English menu, if there is one (not necessary for us, and not even helpful since the translations are often confusing – our Spanish food vocabulary is way nearer the five-year-old toddler mark).
We look like easy targets, here only for a couple of days like all the other foreigners, so it's understandable that if someone were tempted to overcharge a customer a few bucks, that customer would be us.
I'll reiterate that in around 60 dining experiences so far we've encountered problems only a handful of times. And in any case the plot is easily subverted thusly: check your bill for 'honest mistakes' before you pay it.
Here are some dining scams to look out for in Jerez.
Bottles not glasses. On one occasion we noticed that the drinks item on the bill was for two bottles (botellas) of fino, where we actually had only two glasses (copas).
Expensive instead of house wine. The unwritten rule here is that if you ask for a sherry, red or white wine you will be served basic house stock (which is usually delicious) unless you specify otherwise. A glass of house fino sherry, even at a good restaurant, will be no more than €3.50 and as low as €1.60. This time we'd asked for a glass of oloroso each, and the waiter poured us drinks of what we later found out to be from a €120 bottle. The bill read €14 per glass. Jess was on the verge of ripping him a new recto, which was a sight to behold, before the boss defused the situation with a profound apology. The excuse: 'he's new'.
Paying for someone else's feed. 'Mistakenly' adding what the table next to you ordered to your own bill is a defensible mistake and therefore quite clever. No doubt, when it happened to us the plan was to pull the same trick with our neighbours' bill, too.
Ask for the price (difficult if you've been raised thinking it's impolite). Sometimes there will be an off-menu item without a price next to it. Nine times out of 10 it will be in the same ballpark as the rest of the items on the menu, but you can get caught. Some fish and seafood, in particular, can be really expensive and 'market price'. Like, seriously you could be up for €100 for a piece of fish. Likewise with wine – it's tempting to allow the waiter to take you on a journey of discovery, carefully pairing a new wine with each dish, but ask the price each time, or just say that de casa is fine. (Jess points out that sometimes even ‘de casa' is tricky, because that doesn't necessarily mean cheap – but you get the idea.)
Hey, when you're a tourist you're gonna get tickled from time to time. Jess calls it a tourist tax. I'm sure that in some places we've been charged €2.50 for a €2 drink, and so be it. The irony is that these tricks are un-dodgeable in some cases and easy to fall for in others because even when the scam is applied the final bill for your amazing dining experience will still be lower than it is for a crappy pizza in Australia.
It's notable that when you point out the problem the response is – in our experience, at least – one of deep embarrassment and wholehearted apology. We had to laugh after our bottle-for-glass substitution incident. After begging our forgiveness, the owner stormed into the kitchen and let someone have it in rapidfire Spanish that we couldn't understand. I'm pretty sure she was alone in there (Basil Fawlty, anyone?)
Our recidivist drinking pattern has meant that some of the local operators have gotten to know us a little; being recognised as someone who's here for the long haul is a good feeling. There's a lovely older broad called Rus* who tends bar at Las dos Esquinas (the two corners) about 50 metres from our front door in the plaza. Rus speaks a bit of English and loves to practise on us.
Some places reward ongoing custom with bigger pours. At the bar next door to Rus's, your first drink is standard size, your second is a little deeper, and if you order a third, they take your glass away and replace it with a bigger one.
How do you like them apples.
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* Rus rhymes with Bruce. FYI 'Bruce' is a difficult name for a Spanish speaker because they can't say an 'r' without rolling it. The 'c' is problematic too cos it sounds like 'th'. I usually get written down as 'Brus', and called ‘Baloo-the’ out loud. Depending on the age of the person I'm telling my name to I choose from one of the following examples. "As in ...
Bruce Lee
Bruce Banner [as played by Bill Bixby in The incredible Hulk]
Bruce Willis
Bruce Springsteen
Bruce Banner [as portrayed by Mark Ruffalo in The Incredible Hulk]."
There aren't that many famous Bruces.
